lying is the most fun a girl can have with her clothes on

I haven't attended two of my college classes for about 4 days (2x a week twice), and English I've been gone at least 6 times.



...And I just don't even care, as long as I pass my finals next week. I'm barely even nervous about it because I'm confident almost 100%. I'm not hitting a depression, but I'm feeling so overwhelmed and it's impossible for me to sleep, so most of the time I sleep through when I should be at school.

The only reason this gets me down is because I know if I put all my effort into it, I'd be sailing to an even easier future for the next four years.

But...I refuse to leave behind those I care about. I would have to completely disregard my family and friends who are helping me through this. That I cannot do.

I will succeed, it just may take a little longer.

And I'm beginning to be okay with that to a certain extent.

i thought i was over this, btu I guess I'd still drop everything for you.
I can't handle this.

-I get really inexplicably angry when I see people in the movies piss themselves in fear...something about it just makes me so mad.

-I just heard my sister sing in her sleep and that was fucking hilarious...she just sang the Wicked Witch of the West ditty, I think...lololololllllllll. That's my favorite part of late nights next to her room!

001. It's only been a month (or will be come Sunday) and I'm pretty sure I feel more for you than I've ever felt for any man ever. I'm terrified we might become something. I don't know why that scares me so much. Maybe I'm scared you don't feel the same.

002. The fact that I'm old enough that my decisions now will affect me forever is staggering. It scares me as much as you do.

I can't stand the thought of being alone with myself.

I HATE sharing my food/drink with people. I pretend that it's fine though because if it makes them happy then so what. Still, I'm the one who's trekked all the way to Sainsbury's, spent MY money and then lugged it allllll the way back up the steep steep hill. If you want something that badly, go and get it yourself.

I love you
but I can't trust you.
Is that even possible?

i cried in a room full of people today for the first time. great. new low.

I'm starting to get my breasts back. They've gone from a pretty small A (almost AA) to a large A, almost a B again. You'd think I'd be happy, but I'm not. I like being pretty much flat-chested. It looked cute on me, and I didn't have to wear a bra at all.

I wish they were smaller again.

Its amazing. People remember you, you're the one with the nice hair. People are interested in you. You stick out, you're noticed. More strangers want to talk to you, which is great when you meet new people a lot and want to make friends.

Secret: Dying my hair vibrant red was the best decision I've made this year.

me & my boyfriend have a crazy past.
i'm scared he will revert to his old ways.
there's noway to be sure that he won't.
so i have to just hope he won't.
it's terrifying.
i don't want to lose him in any sense.


i've never loved someone so much.
i've never felt this way before.

Sometimes when I find a song I love and is very deep to me I get scared itll go away for some reason.

1. i want this so badly....everyone else is getting engaged, especially those younger than me
why do i have to wait so long for it to be my turn??

i can't even tell him about it because it'll put too much pressure on him

gah!
i hate waiting

2. i hate all those people doing their wedding countdowns on facebook...especially if it's still almost a year away...come on...you just make other people jealous and it's annoying to have a new status update every day saying "199 DAYS!!!!!!"
we know you're getting married....so you can just stop counting down in your status...

ok now i sound bitter...but it is really annoying

Every time someone tells me I should marry for money alone, or that they want to marry into money just to have it, I want to scream "FUCK YOU AND YOUR IGNORANCE".

Yes, that means you, dad's girlfriend.

I know everything about him ... and he is most likely the same with me.
I can't imagine a life without him. A life with him hurt and in pain.
Rwyf am i warchod iddo wrth iddo amddiffyn mi.

- I'm intelligent (I think?). But I add uncertainty to almost everything I say (usually in the form of parenthesis when written) because I am so terrified of being wrong.
I'm not doubting myself, (I don't think). I'm leaving room for the possibility of being wrong, letting everyone know I acknowledge it even if I'm not wrong. So that way I don't look stuck up, and I don't look like I'm acting stupid.

-I've had this great boyfriend for 2 yrs.
His family (parents, aunts, cousins, uncles. he's very close with his family) has always invited me to go out and eat with them when they all go out, for 2 yrs.
I have turned them down every single time.
I always feel rude, even though I'm not trying to be. I'm terrified of eating in front of them.
It took me 8 months to eat in front of him, and 1 yr 5months to eat in front of his mother and I haven't done that in months. The first time was the only time.
I feel so awful, so rude, abnormal, and defective.

-I think I'm finaly accepting the possibility of my psychologist being right in his suggestion of this disorder. I'm a few months from him officially diagnosing (which is something he sounds like he is going to do) me.
But I'm too terrified to let anyone know that. Fuck.

-lastly.
I'm becoming increasingly more depressed with myself as the months go on.
I've never felt so defective.

I'm afraid you're gonna leave when you see my true colors.

People are always talking about how love failed them.
Surprisingly, love is the only thing that has never failed me.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I just be happy?

I can help but to feel like a big failure and disappointment to my parents...

I hate having to wait for you, why is your shower taking so long? Even though I should get lost, you are much too old for me.

This scarf makes me feel like I'm suffocating.